How Our Music Choices Affect Our Kids, and Ourselves

I grew up on country music. My mom listened to a lot of oldies, but country music was what my dad listened to, what I preferred, and what I related to. I didn't actually grow up in the country, but I grew up with a hardworking dad, a stay at home mom, church every Sunday, and conservative values. That's the good side of country music, I didn't see the bad side until I had kids.

As a teenager, I idealized the life described in country music. Drinking, getting stuck in the mud with some boy, parked in a field with my friends... I never did any of those things, but I dreamed of it and I think it had a big affect on how I lived my life once I got to college.

I remember when "Girl In a Country Song" came out. It's basically about the degradation of women in country music. I thought it was ridiculous. Who wouldn't want to be seen as a hot girl some guy wanted in their passenger seat? Who wouldn't want a guy driving her out to park somewhere to serenade her under the stars with some wine and music? Well, now that I'm a mother... Me. I want anyone with that kind of mindset at least 500 feet from my daughter at all times. And if I ever had a son with that mindset? I'd be ashamed of how I failed as a mother resulting in a son raised that way.

In theology class in tenth and twelfth grade every other Friday we'd have a class discussion. We'd put our chairs in a circle and discuss a morality topic. One of those was how media influences us. Pretty much everyone in the class agreed it didn't have any influence on them. Even I couldn't see how much the music I was consuming was shaping my ideals and values. I didn't see it until I had kids.

When Stella was 2 I started really listening to the lyrics of songs and thinking about if it was a message I wanted to send her. Everytime a song talked about drinking, I turned it off. I don't think drinking is inherently bad, but songs aren't about having a glass or two of wine. They're about using alcohol to numb your problems. Or getting black out drunk at a party. That wasn't what I wanted my child normalizing. Anytime a song mentioned sex I turned it off. Again, sex isn't bad but the casual sex they were talking about? 100% the opposite message of sex I wanted my child learning. Not a ton of drug references in country music, but even the rare mention of it I don't want my daughter hearing.

You can say "oh they don't know what it means" and when they're young that's an argument to be made, but not only are they hearing it but then they're singing it and sooner or later it'll click what they're singing about. Even when they don't consciously understand what they're hearing/singing I would still argue that subconsciously it's affecting them. Actions speak louder than words, and you can tell your child all day long that binge drinking is bad for you, using alcohol to numb your feelings is unhealthy and will only make things worse, and casual sex is not how you should behave but when you're listening to music that encourages all those things, you only have so much influence.

At this point, I only listen to contemporary christian or nursery rhymes with my kids through my spotify. Even the few innocuous songs on the radio are eclipsed by the 100 songs with negative messages. It isn't just about your kids though. Even as adults these messages are penetrating our brains and subconsciously affecting our behaviors and views.

Stella and Elliot both sing the songs we listen to in the car and have developed preferences for some over others. I’m so glad that those choices never have anything that makes me flinch and shudder when they sing the lyrics. Last weekend I went out to kareoke. When Stella asked where I was going and I told her to sing, she asked what I’d sing about. I told her I didn’t know yet and asked her what I should sing about. She said, “you should sing about God. And Jesus.” I was totally caught off guard and so proud that that was her answer. When people ask me what kind of music I listen to I tell them my three favorite genres are country, contemporary Christian, and Taylor Swift. (Yes, Taylor Swift is her own genre, don’t @ me.) I won’t say I never listen to anything that goes against my values, because if you’ve heard any Taylor Swift song you’d know that’s lie, but I never listen to those songs with the kids and since I’m with the kids 95% of my time, it’s pretty rare I’m listening to anything that isn’t a positive influence on my life. Even when I do, and I catch myself idealizing something in a song I shouldn’t I try to remind myself how good my life is and that I’m much happier than any drunk girl in a field hoping for a guy to take her home or Taylor Swift in the midst of one of her flings.

There's a radio station called K-Love and they have a 30 day challenge. You only listen to their radio station/christian music for 30 days and then evaluate the effect it's had on your life. You don't even have to do the challenge, I'll tell you the results. You're happier, you're more grateful, you're more positive. You make better choices. If you're not christian I don't even know what music to tell you to listen to. If you don't like classical music maybe just give up and listen to podcasts. What you consume is what comes out and if you're listening to trash, you're going to make trash decision and only hurt yourself. Sorry not sorry.

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Cover photo from: https://2ser.com/music-and-its-influence-on-the-brain/