Why "You're An Overcomer" Is Stella's Song [The Birth Story]

Trigger Warning

I generally think this term is way overused and usually unnecessary but if anything needs a trigger warning this story does. Although this is a beautiful story of strength and God’s presence in our lives, it is traumatic even for the reader. I strongly suggest reading this when you don’t have any interruptions and can read the whole thing start to finish. If you have had a traumatic birth experience or experience with a child in the hospital, you may want to think twice before embarking on this journey with me, so to speak, as it may bring up painful memories for you.

Topics include: cord prolapse, APGAR score of 0, resuscitation of a newborn, NICU, and seizures.

My husband, Jakob, and I have been together since I was a sophomore in high school and he was a senior. I can remember in high school talking about baby names and deciding we both liked Stella Rose. Spoiler alert, we named our first daughter Stella Rose and that’s who this story is about. After his senior year of high school he graduated, in 2015, and went into the Marines and we were long distance for 5 years. Two years 11 hours apart and 3 years an hour apart, including one 6 month deployment in which we were 8 hours for 3 months and I don’t even know how many hours apart for the last 3. We got engaged in April of 2019 after my return from my 3 months semester abroad in Costa Rica. Our wedding was set to be June 6, 2020. We chose 6/6/2020 not only because of the satisfying sequence of numbers but also because 66 is my lucky number. 66 has appeared throughout my life to let me know I’m on the right track (jakobs first license plate, my phone number, my college email address number, part of the code to our house when we bought it that was set by the sellers for a few examples…)

Sadly, because of COVID we had to postpone our wedding to August 16, 2020. After getting married we moved to Texas the first week of September, 16 hours away from family. The plan was to live here for 5 years, then have kids and move closer to home to raise the kids. I was tracking my fertility (sidenote: I still believe in natural family planning and fertility tracking but start tracking it more than a month before your wedding so you actually know your cycle.) We were using spermicide before I ovulated. There was one time that we got a little excited and didn't use spermicide before I knew I had ovulated. I remember saying to Jakob, “we shouldn't do that again.. Have unprotected sex before I’ve ovulated just in case.” But it only took one time. The first week of October I was feeling really anxious all week and having breakdowns and realized I was late for my period. By the end of the week I had convinced Jakob we should get a pregnancy test just in case. We weren’t opposed to having children, in fact we were really excited to have children someday, we just weren’t ready yet. The first test was positive but I didn’t feel like I fully peed on the stick so I peed in a cup and dipped the stick in. The second test was positive. Still in denial we drove to the CVS and bought more tests of a different brand. All three were positive. Jakob was immediately overjoyed and excited, I immediately started crying. Not because I didn’t want a child, but because I wasn’t ready to give up my body to pregnancy added to the fact that we had just gotten married and moved so far from family. Being a stay at home mom was what I ultimately wanted to do with my life, I was just thinking I’d work 5 years and enjoy it being just the two of us first. When I calculated my due date based on my period I instantly felt God’s grace and was reminded it was all part of His plan. June 6, 2021. I couldn’t believe it. At my first trimester ultrasound the midwives estimated my due date as June 12 because of the size of the baby but I knew deep down it was really June 6.

Labor started at the perfect time and day. My mom and younger sister, Alexis, had gotten into town the Saturday before and my older sister, Emily who was my doula, had gotten into town the Sunday before. We spent the week going to the Fort Worth sites I wanted to show them. On Tuesday Emily looked at the weather and thought to herself, “oh man it’s going to rain Friday… well that won’t matter Sophie will be in labor! Little did we know I really would go into labor on Friday...

The rest of my mucus plug came out around midnight on Friday June 5 (most of it came out May first from husband and wife activities dislodging it...) Labor really started at about 3:00 am that morning. I had routinely woken up with contractions in the middle of the night for the last week so I wasn’t sure if this was real or not (although I was hoping because that meant there was a chance she’d actually be born on 6/6) and after giong to the bathroom and drinking a protein shake went back to sleep. I slept until about 10 am. After waking up I felt like I was maybe in labor but I didn’t want to start timing contractions and get too excited in case I wasn’t. I had my husband's underwear and a robe on and sat down for breakfast, a bowl of cereal. When I stood up to go to the bathroom and shower my sister said, “What’s on the back of your robe?? It looks like you shit yourself.” (She’s a charmer…) I walked over asking what she was talking about and she picked up the end of the robe. Initially she said, “oh it’s a stain” then touched it and said, “Wait… is it a wet spot?” The day before when I wasn’t wearing underwear, just baggy shorts I was dripping into my shorts and I commented on it and my mom said “maybe you’re amniotic waters are leaking!” but we really didn’t think anything of it. Once we saw the perfect circle of wet we knew I was in fact in labor and my bag of waters was leaking! I still wasn’t ready to start timing contractions though, I don’t know if I was more nervous about finding out I was in labor or finding out I wasn’t in labor. I went to shower and get dressed. We decided we would go walk around the Fort Worth water gardens (that was the last site we had to see) and get a foot massage that day at 3 pm. Jakob had gotten me an hour-long foot massage as a Mother’s Day gift a couple weeks prior and we had decided then we should all get one while they were there! We called and scheduled an appointment and Emily suggested I call the midwives and let them know I was in labor and we think I might be leaking amniotic fluid (even though I still wasn’t convinced I was in labor.)

I called and left a voicemail on the on-call line and immediately got a call back. Great news! It was Valerie, the midwife we had been hoping for! We didn’t get to meet her until our 33 week appointment, (34 weeks by my June 6 due date) even though she had only started working there in October, a month before my first appointment. (The birthing center has you do every appointment with a different midwife so you know them and are familiar with everyone because you couldn't know who would be on call when you went into labor.) At the 36 week appointment, which was the only appointment I attended without Jakob and of course the appointment we did a surprise ultrasound at, I had her and felt an instant connection with her. She was HILARIOUS for one! Our personalities just meshed really well. Luckily at the 37 week appointment, which Jakob was at but no ultrasound, we had her again so Jakob got to meet her. He also loved her and when he got in the car after the appointment he said to me, “I hope she’s on call when we give birth” and I replied “me too.” Valerie told me I needed to come in if we suspected my water leaking because I had to give birth within 48 hours or I had to be transferred to the hospital due to safety lability. We planned to go to the birthing center then on to the foot massages.

She met all of us there (the birthing center was closed) and we headed inside and into the exam room. As soon as we walked in I started to remove my pants and she said “woah hang on! Let me buy you a drink first!” She left the room while I took my pants off and laid back on the table with one of those paper sheets over myself. My mom, Emily, and Alexis sat in the chairs across from where I was laying and Jakob stood beside me holding my hand. She came back in and I laid back. She pulled up the sheet only for Alexis to exclaim, “ARE THOSE YOUR HEMROIDS!?” Everyone laughed, including me because all you can do is laugh in my family, and said yes Alexis those are MY hemroids, like they were my pet or something. She saw liquid pooled in the canal and used a pH strip to check the pH. Pink (acidic) was vaginal fluid, blue (basic) was amniotic fluid… The strip was blue! My water had indeed broken! And there was no doubt I was in labor. She did a cervical check and informed me I was at two centimeters. At first she said we’d have to stay at the birthing center all day (thank God we’d brought the stuff) and I would do natural labor induction techniques with her like a balloon to inflate my cervix more, castor oil, etc. Once she called for a second opinion though she decided I was in active labor and could go home to labor at home. We clocked my water as breaking at 10 am and we set our rendezvous for 10 pm since that would be 12 hours since my water broke. We put on some “Depends” for my leaking water, Emily called the foot massage place to cancel our appointment, and headed home to start our natural labor techniques!

We decided (as the midwife suggested) to do an hour of rest and then an hour of “work.” When we got home Jakob clarified I was comfortable and wasn’t needing him and went into nesting mode! He cleaned the litter boxes, swept the house, and maybe did some other things I don’t recall. As he was running around doing all of this he said, “I thought she was supposed to be nesting!?” I informed him, “I’ve been nesting for the last 3 months!” (Since we had moved into our new house.) I don’t remember if it was right after we got home or later on but I definitely remember the first time I had a strong contraction with my family in the room. I told my family a contraction was starting and did my deep breath in, long slow breath out with a low moan. My mom immediately understood and quit talking, my sister however did not understand. She kept talking so my sister said “Alexis, be quiet!” to which Alexis responded by getting louder and exclaiming “why!? What’s happening!? I don’t get it!?” throughout the contraction as Emily tried to get her to shut up while staying quiet herself. Afterwards I explained to Alexis how during my contractions she needed to be quiet so I could concentrate on staying relaxed and my breathing. A while later a similar instance happened but this time my mom kept talking and then Emily forcefully said, “We don’t talk while Sophie is having contractions!” and after that I didn’t even have to tell them when one was starting, I would just start my breathing and they would automatically pause the conversation until I said I was done.

I laid down in bed with my pregnancy pillow. My sister, Alexis, laid down with me and we watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, which I was rewatching the series of. There was a lot of Grey’s Anatomy that day… For this first episode I timed my contractions. They seemed to be give or take 6 minutes apart meaning I was indeed in active labor and probably between 3-6 centimeters. During this episode was the only time I timed my contractions all day because I wanted to enjoy my labor instead of being caught up on where in my labor I was. While Alexia and I were laying there two of my cats, Ambrose and Lennon, got up in bed with us. Ambrose laid right up against me and Lennon laid right between my legs. I think they knew I was in labor.

Ambrose even laid partially on me at one point with his two front feet on my belly. After an episode of Grey’s Jakob was done with his nesting and we decided to head out for a walk!

We walked around the block, (about .65 miles) with one leg up on the sidewalk and switching the side of the road every so often to keep my pelvis even. This helped her to descend and to descend evenly. Of course we took our dog, Pansy, with us. Originally we had Alexis walking her so that Jakob could help me through contractions if I needed. She kept bitching about how untrained our dog was, she would stay on the sidewalk but my sister is used to my dad’s dog which is a service dog and actually understands the command to “heal.” Jakob got tired of her bitching so we took over. He worked on keeping her beside him and periodically letting her explore and she did really well after the first few minutes! About halfway around the block we came across some stuff someone had set out for “bulk pick up” which started Monday, this was a Saturday. In the pile of stuff were three organization baskets! Jakob instructed us to pick those up (of course HE wasn’t carrying around something from the “trash” but he wanted them) so mom grabbed them up, somewhat begrudgingly, and we continued on. On the road back to our house we passed a house that was open via an app for walkthroughs! It was a two story (we live in one story) so we decided to go in and look around and I could do some stairs. Sadly, it turns out it had already come off the market, they just hadn’t taken down the sign so we weren’t able to go in. Once we got around the block and back to the house we took the baskets in and Pansy, our dog in, to get a drink of water and we all took about a 10 minute break and drank some water. Then we were off again! This time to the park. We headed to the park, me still on the curb, and everyone else decided to try the curb walking. We all, my older sister and doula Emily, Alexis (younger sister), and mom went in a line singing “some country song about a train.” (For the life of us none of us can remember what song, that’s all we could gather. It was one we somehow all three knew all the words to though.) These bitches only lasted about 2 minutes on the curb because “it was too tiring.” *Insert eyeroll.* Once we got to the park, which was about .28 miles away round trip. At the park I did the stairs up and down the playset and Jakob and Emily had a pullup contest… Jakob won but only by one pull up. Alexis got stuck on top trying to crawl over the bar holding up the chain climbing ladder and while she was shrieking and stuck in the background (just a note..shes 20 almost 21 years old. In fact she’ll be 21 by the time this is published) I had a big contraction.

My mom helped Alexis down while Jakob supported me in a squat standing in front of me and squatting with me so I could lean all my weight back. Emily has a great video of this 60 seconds… After that we headed back to the house, still with me on the curb (curb walking is so tiring!?) Once we got there I headed back to bed to lay down and watch another episode of Grey’s. At some point while laying down and watching Grey’s, I believe it was this time but it might have been a little later, as my contractions were getting stronger I started to feel a little nauseous. I threw up but wasn’t concerned about it because I knew it was a normal part of labor.

We had chandeliers we had just bought and Jakob had started to put up before we realized I was in labor so we had half the house's power off the entire labor at home. In the early evening, around 6 Jakob’s friend came over to help get those up before we had to head to the birthing center because Jakob did not want to bring a baby home to half electricity and chandeliers on the floor with wires sticking out of the ceiling. After my episode I walked into the kitchen to find Jakob and Shorty (his friend) up on ladders putting the light up with my mom, Emily, and Alexis standing around them in a circle holding their phones with the flashlight on. It looked like some kind of seance! It was dark out at this point and like I said the power was off. Emily (as my doula) suggested, and I loved the idea, that I should take the birthing ball into the shower and sit on it and bounce while I used the handheld shower head to let the water run over me. I loved this idea especially because more Grey’s! I headed in there and after assistance getting on the ball the family headed back out to hold their orbs for Shorty and Jakob. Less than 10 seconds after they left the bathroom I went to bounce the ball back a bit so I could get a better seat and the ball rolled back and out from underneath me, me sliding down the side of the wet ball and landing on the floor. I’ve never heard so much panic in Alexis' voice as she yelled, “SOPHIE!? Are you okay what happened!?” and they all three came running back into the bathroom. I was laughing, it didn’t hurt but it certainly scared me! They helped me back up and back on the ball. They went back to their seance and I started my Grey’s episode.

Once I ran out of hot water I got dressed again and tried different positions to find the most comfortable one. I ended up in the bathroom on the floor, not really sure why I think just for privacy with Shorty being there. I knelt on the ground while laying on the ball, I tried squatting, and childs pose. At this point my contractions were pretty strong and it was getting hard to relax through them. They were also a lot closer together. I hadn't really been timing them throughout the day, after the first 45 minutes, because I didn’t feel like it really mattered and I’d rather just labor without knowing what parts of labor I was in. I was starting to feel nauseous with how close together they were again. I thought I was going to get sick again but I didn't. After maybe what was an hour or so (but felt like 15 minutes to me) I heard everyone exclaim from the kitchen as they turned on the lights and saw the chandelier. I immediately got up and ran (well as well as I could run for someone in active labor) to the kitchen to see. They were right, they were amazing!

It was about 9:15 when Shorty and Jakob finished the light, just in time for us to head to the birthing center which was about a half hour away. The bags were already packed, but no snacks for anyone else, just me. My family proceeded to fill 2 giant bags and one freezer bag with snacks. You would have thought we were going to be there for three days. We loaded the car, and headed out. Jakob drove our Rogue with Emily and I in the backseat. We bought a bowl just in case I got sick again. Spoiler alert, I did. The car ride was definitely the hardest part. Going over bumps, not being able to move positions… It was a rough 20-30 minutes. During the carride Emily told Jakob and I how proud she was of us thus far. She said that I was laboring beautifully and doing everything right and Jakob was doing a wonderful job of supporting me and helping me and that most husbands are not as attentive and helpful to their wives during labor in her experience. This was especially meaningful as Emily was very unsure about Jakob when we first got together and even for a short time advocated for us to end our relationship. That was a big reason why I struggled with my decision ohave her as a doula, but I’m so glad I did. We finally made it to the birthing center and I felt so much better just opening my door. Valerie wasn’t there yet so we all talked. I don’t remember what we talked about but I do have a vivid memory of Alexis yelling as the family was walking over to our car (we had driven separately) yelling at Jakob for not using his blinker early enough, which I can affirm he does have a really bad habit of. Valerie got there about 5-10 minutes later and everyone grabbed the bags (except me, i was carrying the baby descending through my body) and we headed in and upstairs.

She checked me when I got there and I think she found I was about 6 cm dilated. She did not tell me this though! I specifically told her under no circumstances did I want to know how dilated I was. It's relative anyway because it's based on how many fingers they can fit into my cervix and obviously different people have different sized fingers. She asked if I’d napped and I told her I had slept from 3 am when contractions started to 10 am and then spent about a total of 3/7 hours lying down and resting at the house. She told me to go ahead and lay down for more rest since I was progressing nicely. At this point the contractions were REALLY strong. It was hard for me to relax but Jakob was excellent at massaging my arms to relax them and reminding me to gently relax my hands when they were tight. My mom also gave me a foot massage which helped me relax too and later a hand massage. I remember being too focused to move and saying “I don’t know who’s rubbing my foot but please keep going, that's amazing.”

After some rest I got up and tried to eat something because I was hungry but I had waited to long to eat and now my contractions were so close together that as soon as I was able to get something down I was having a contractions and ended up throwing it right back up so I gave up on that. Because of this Valerie elected to put a peripheral line in my arm to make sure I was staying hydrated throughout labor. At some point when I was laying in bed Jakob was up taking a break and eating goldfish when a really strong contraction came on so he came over to help me relax. He was lying so that his face was near mine and I inhaled then on my exhale in a low voice in tempo with my moan. I said “get your goldfish breath out of my face.” Jakob stood up and Emily, who was right there, said “wow even I can smell it!” Everyone, including me, stifled their laughter as the contraction finished.

Valerie checked me again around midnight and I was 8 cm. During this cervical check she felt what she initially thought was the baby's butt. She did a thorough job of feeling around what she was feeling and ascertained it was a forebag that had formed even though my water had been leaking since at least 10 am that morning. She felt completely around the bag and felt Stella’s head, there was no cord anywhere near or below her head that she could feel. At 1:15 the midwife said that it was almost time to get in the tub to push and recommended I head to the stairs to do some lunges to get Stella farther down in my pelvis so I didn’t have to exert as much energy pushing. At this point the contractions were incredibly strong and I was throwing up almost every contraction. After about 35 minutes I told Valerie the pain was too much in this position and asked if I could go labor backwards on the toilet, which I had done earlier and had been very relaxing and comfortable. On the toilet

Valerie took vitals and listened to Stella’s heartbeat, which was still strong, to make sure everything was still good before I got in the tub. At 2:06 the forebag broke and I stood up to head to the tub. As I stood up I debated if I should wipe and asked Valerie if she thought I should. She told me to go ahead if I wanted to, it was up to me. I decided to and when I wiped I felt something coming out of my vagina. I was confused and told Valerie, “um I don’t know what but something is coming out of my vagina?” Valerie looked and saw the chord so she immediately told Jakob to take my upper body and they laid me down. (Really she got Jakob behind me and shoved me onto the floor but it was totally smooth and necessary) This was at about 2:07 am. She did a cervical exam and tried to lift Stella’s head off the cord but was unable to. Her head was Farley wedged in my pelvis. She said the cord was pulsing though when she felt it, just not as strongly as it should have been. I could tell by her voice something was very wrong. I heard her shout to the birthing assistant, “we have a cord, call the hospital and tell them we’re coming.” I started to panic, I started crying and exclaimed, “I can’t do this! I can’t do this!” Jakob, standing above me, sternly said, “Sophie. Look at me. Look me in the eye. You can do this. It’s going to be okay.” With that reassurance I was able to calm down and listen to Valerie because I knew we had to act fast and efficiently.

Valerie got me on all fours and supported the cord as I crawled to the stairs. On the way to the stairs I crawled by my family. Emily and mom had heard “cord” and immediately knew what was wrong but Alexis had no clue what was happening. She thought I was heading downstairs for a special bed or something because the baby was coming faster than they expected. When we were almost to the stairs Valerie said aloud, which she told me later on she didn’t even realize she’d said aloud, “can you push?” I said “Yeah I can push” and started pushing and she exclaimed “no, not now!” Later she explained she was debating whether it would be faster for me to just hurry up and push the baby out but she decided if I had been a second time mom it would be faster but with me being a first time mom and her being wedged so tightly in my pelvis I wouldn't be able to push her out fast enough. At the stairs she asked if I could crawl down them and I said no so she had me stand up and run as fast as I could to the back of the other birth assistant’s suv. I remember Jakob running ahead and standing at the bottom of the stairs yelling, “Go baby! You got this!” Once outside we ran to the back of the birth assistants car where the gate was already open. Valerie yelled from behind us, “Wrong car this one!” As we started towards the car in front the birth assistant yelled out the window, “no this one we're taking mine!” We doubled back and I jumped into the trunk of the SUV. I noticed popsicles, the ice stick kind, all over the ground and at first I thought they were for icing the cord or something but I quickly realized they were warm and just happened to be there. Valerie had me lay down on my back and used her hand to try once more to support Stella’s head off the cord, she said she felt it pulsing on the way to the hospital. We drove away so fast we didn’t even shut the gate of the car but luckily neither Jakob nor Valerie fell out, although jakobs poor foot did get slammed by the gate. I couldn’t see out the window but I remember the birth assistant turning and Valerie saying, “no go the other way with the construction that way this will be faster.” The birth assistant threw it in reverse, then whipped it back the other way. Later on Valerie described the birth assistants driving as, “as if we’d just stolen something.”

During the drive I just tried to focus on the fact that soon I would be asleep and when I woke up I would have my baby. They called and told them we were coming so we went straight to the ambulance bay where they were waiting. They got me on a gurney and had Valerie take her hand out as it was hospital policy nothing goes in the vagina after the water had broken and they don’t do gurney riding as some hospitals do in this case. We arrived at the hospital at 2:14 am, just 7 minutes after we found the cord prolapsed. Between then and when they did the c section is when we don’t know if she was getting oxygen or not. While she waited until I was out the lead doctor had one hand on the top of my belly to comfort me and one hand on the scalpel praying for me and for God to guide her through this cesarean. I remember hearing Valerie telling the nurses, “she was either born November 10 or 12 of 1998 but I don’t remember which. I tried to tell the doctor or nurse beside me that it was the 10th but there was too much going on and they couldn't hear me because I had oxygen on. On one side of me they were trying to figure out a way to connect their IV to the IV line that the midwife had put in. On the other side they were trying to start a new one, essentially racing to see who could get it in first. After they finished it seemed like forever before they finally put me to sleep. I was terrified they were going to forget I was awake and start so I kept yelling through my oxygen mask, “I’m still awake!” and tapping on the doctor/nurse beside me so she knew. She promised they wouldn't start until I was asleep. I just kept focusing on the fact that soon I would be asleep and then I would wake up to my baby. As soon as I was out she began to cut. Her head was so wedged in there they had to have a nurse push through my vagina to try and get her head out. That failed because her head was very wedged, so they delivered her legs first and pulled her out breech.

The “two best doctors in the hospital” (according to my nurse) was who performed the c section and they went to residency together and were so in sync they did not even speak the entire c section. (After the cesarean the nurse asked the two surgeons, “how did you do that without speaking!?”) The lead doctor thought she would have to cut my uterus a second time to make a “T” shape but as she was about to the other doctor grabbed one foot, she grabbed the other foot, and they were able to pull her out (which much effort and again counter pressure on her head through my vagina.) Usually they would just slip their hands around the baby's head and deliver her head first but they couldn’t because her head was so tightly wedged in my pelvis. She was delivered at 2:22 am, 15 minutes after finding the prolapsed cord and 8 minutes after arriving at the hospital. Later in recovery one of the nurses told me it’s unheard of to have a baby delivered so soon after a complication occurs even when the mother is already in the hospital. When she came out she wasn’t breathing so they had to do cpr on her for 30 seconds before she started breathing. Even after they got her breathing she still was barely there, completely limp. Valerie went to get a picture of her to show us and then elected not to because she looked so bad she knew it would do more harm than good to show us a picture.

After the cesarean Valerie pulled Jakob aside and told him things did not look good but no one told me (thank God) so he was a nervous wreck the entire morning before we knew anything for sure. I remember trying to figure out in my head why he was so upset and worried, I thought everything was fine. He was so strong, he was shaking and tearing up on and off but stayed strong for me. After the resuscitation they put her in an incubator and put her on a breathing tube then took her over to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) at Cook Children's Hospital and started cooling her at about 430 am. Cooling is a procedure they do where they cool the baby's body temperature for 72 hours to prevent further brain damage and let the brain hopefully recover from the damage already done. Before they took her they took her over to Cooks they brought her in for Jakob and I to see her.

I couldn’t see her face because my bed was so low and hers was so high but we got to touch her. After a brief meeting they took her to the NICU and Jakob walked over with them. God blessed us with my delivery taking place in a hospital with a children's hospital attached by a bridge because if she was transferred to a hospital off campus I wouldn't have been able to see her again until I was discharged. When they got back Alexis asked me if we were going to name her Stella Rose. We had been calling her Stella but I didn’t want to make a decision until we saw her and felt confident she looked like a Stella. Jakob thought I was crazy and said babies don’t look like names. I told Alexis I didn’t get a chance to see her face so I wasn’t sure. Jakob chimed in saying, “no she really does look like a Stella. I can’t believe it but she does.” And that was that, her name was officially Stella Rose. After she’d been in the NICU and assessed by a doctor there the doctor came to update us. I don’t fully remember the conversation because I was still coming off the anesthesia but I remember him being very vague and not sounding confident in Stella. I kept saying, “but she’s going to live right? She's not going to die?” (Not knowing she was born not with us) and he just kept avoiding the question. It still didn’t really sink in how serious this was though. Unbeknownst to me, my mom, knowing everything fully going on, had requested a catholic priest come to talk to me about getting Stella the sacraments of baptism and anointing of the sick. (We’re catholic.) A chaplain came to talk to me and I couldn't understand why mom had asked about baptism. I told her we already had her baptism scheduled for July 25 so that wasn’t necessary and we would think about anointing of the sick and let someone know. Again, I was under the impression everything was going to be fine at this point and we didn’t have to worry. I was just upset I couldn't have my baby with me.

At about 8:30 that morning, about 6 hours after delivery, she came off the vent and went straight to room air. This is virtually unheard of, they almost always have to go on oxygen first before they can handle room air level oxygen. When I texted Valerie and told her that she was coming off the breathing tube Valerie thought I was out of it from the morphine and didn’t know what I was talking about because she thought there was no way. At around 10 am 6/6 when we went to see her I took a video of her. She was moving all around and visibly, and vocally, agitated. I sent the video to Valerie. Valerie was stunned and couldn’t believe it was the same baby and that’s when she realized I did know what I was talking about and she was off the breathing tube. Valerie showed Carla, the hospital midwife, who was also shocked and she sent it to the doctor who did the c section and she couldn’t believe it either. All day that day she was agitated and fussy trying to pull the EEG stickers off her head and expressing that she wanted to be held, breastfed, and get warm all of which couldn’t happen right then. It was so hard to watch her struggle and so upset, but this was a good sign! It was good she was so active and alert and she would suck on a pacifier and my finger before realizing there was no milk and then going back to fussing. Baby’s with brain damage almost always can’t suck so that was a great sign. They did put her back on oxygen later that night because her blood oxygen dipped a little in the evening but that’s totally normal and to be expected. Valerie, our midwife, described it as she jumped before she could stand which definitely sounds like me. Late that night on 6/6 after the placenta returned from path the results did show some bacteria on the uterus (I believe it was staff although I don’t remember for sure, probably from Valerie having to keep her hand in my vagina for so long when the cord prolapsed without time to get gloves) so they put Stella on antibiotics preventatively but also did a blood culture on which no bacteria ever grew on so they soon took her off the antibiotics. Our blood did mix during delivery but luckily we’re both O- so that was not a concern.

They were measuring and monitoring her brain waves with an EEG and detected a small seizure on the EEG in the early morning of Monday, the 7th. It did not manifest physically. Because of this they started her on seizure medication. Between the seizure medication and the normal sedation they put babies in the cooling process on, she was exhausted and essentially slept for the next two days. I felt confident the seizure was God intervening so she’d be put on the seizure meds to help her sleep. While she was being cooled she had a tube they inserted into their umbilical cord stump to give her nutrition. I was pumping and so multiple times a day they would use a qtip to give her colostrum in her mouth so that she would get those benefits. She had a feeding tube in but they weren’t using that yet. They had to give her nutrition through the tube and couldn’t give her my colostrum/milk through the feeding tube because her body would not be able to digest it in the cooled state.

On Tuesday the surgeon who’d performed my cesarean came to check on me and that was when I learned how bad things really were. She thought that someone had told me that she was born with no breathing and had to be resuscitated, but no one had yet. I also didn’t realize how extensive they thought her brain damage was. The surgeon, Dr. Jordan explained about the entire cesarean and told me that my pelvis “didn't look like any pelvis she’d ever seen before.” She said it was oddly shaped but she couldn't put her finger on how. My mother, with my brother her first child, labored for 36 hours before the doctors finally said “his head is stuck, we have to convert to a cesarean.” His delivery was the same as Stellas, his head was so tightly wedged he had to be pulled out breech. His head was 14.5 inches… Stellas was 13.5. Because of all of the above both the surgeon and midwives believe I may have a genetic pelvic anomaly and so recommended repeat cesareans for future children. She went on to nonchalantly say how Stella looked so great in the video but of course they had to warn us about all of the long term effects she could have from this, from developmental delays to cerebral palsy. After she left the room I had a panic attack as all of this information hit me at once.

At 5 am on Wednesday (6/9) they started rewarming her, the process took 6 hours. During the rewarming process they thought they saw another seizure on the EEG and gave her an extra dose of the seizure medication. Later on they ascertained she did not in fact have a second seizure so pretty soon after the rewarming they started weaning her off of the seizure medication. After a successful rewarming and some time with her I was discharged from the hospital and we headed home.

The next day, on Thursday, we finally got to hold our precious angel for the first time. Four days after birth. Later that day they did an MRI to assess the brain damage. When the neuro doctor came to talk to us she told us the MRI “looked good” but she wasn’t convinced it was accurate. She explained that based on the EEG and her lack of wakefulness and activity they thought the brain damage was more extensive than the MRI was showing. I wasn’t worried though, I knew that the reason she had been so sleepy and there had been minimal brain activity was due to the sedation and seizure meds. They planned to do a repeat MRI on Friday to confirm the results and continue monitoring her alertness and physical activity throughout the next few days. Before the MRI they put her on a CPAP machine. A CPAP machine is what people who have sleep apnea wear at night. It expands your lungs so that you don't have to work as hard to fully open them to breath. They did this because she seemed like breathing was a lot of work for her and they wanted her to focus on healing and not be exerting so much energy on that.

Friday June 11 they did the MRI and either saw the same results or even better, they never specified. They started tube feeding her my milk on Saturday and on Sunday she came off the CPAP machine and they let me try breastfeeding. She took right to it like a pro, with no problems at all and no pain on my end. Her first nursing was 6 minutes. On Monday I nursed her all day. They explained to me that hospital policy was that in order for her not to get tubed she had to nurse for 15 minutes. If it was between 7 and 14 minutes she would get half the feeding amount through the tube and 6 minutes or less she would get the entire feeding through the tube. I was determined. I never let her go less than 15 minutes, although sometimes that required some tickling and moving around to keep her awake. Also that dayI met with the speech therapist. She said they would be starting her on bottles that night to see how she did but I could continue to breastfeed throughout the day. I was terrified that if she was on bottles she would start to refuse the breast since bottle feeding is so much easier than breastfeeding. I had already been praying that if at all possible she could skip the bottles and be exclusively breastfed and fed through the tube at night or at least that the bottles wouldn't affect breastfeeding. God came through again. There was a miscommunication so the nurses did not know to bottle feed instead of tube feed that night so she was tube fed. I don’t remember when but sometime that weekend they let me take her temperature. Her temperature was 36.6. Another 66. That same time they did some kind of test, I don’t remember what, but the results were 6.6. At that point I felt like God was just showing off. (I say that very lightheartedly of course.)

Tuesday morning, June 15, they did neuro rounds on her. They said their final assessment was that she had minor brain damage and was at risk for seizures and delayed development. They told me from a neuro perspective they had no reason to keep her in the NICU any longer. At this point she was still being weaned off the seizure medication but other than that she wasn’t getting any medical assistance. The bed warmer had been turned off already and on that day she was transferred to a normal open crib. The last criteria she had to meet to go home was feeding on her own without tubing and gaining weight for 48 hours. When the doctor came in the afternoon i proposed to him that if I stayed the night there for the next two nights (they recommend the mother stay with the baby the two nights prior to discharge to do everything to make sure they feel confident taking the baby home) and she breastfed for at least 15 minutes every 3 hours, the schedule they had her on, and gained weight could we take her home Thursday. He told me that I was more than welcome to try but there was no way that she’d be able to handle that. He said babys that new off the cooling process and with that kind of start to life struggled to coordinate sucking, breathing, and swallowing and she wouldn’t be able to go without being tubed or she wouldn’t gain weight right away. He told me I could stay there and we would do `weigh feed weighs’ and reassess tomorrow but was almost certain she wouldn't be able to go home thursday.. Stella, as par for the course, blew the expectations out of the water. She gained weight with every feed. The next day the doctor didn't even bother coming to see her. After looking at her chart and seeing the weight gain we were told that as long as things continued she could certainly go home the next day and they were hoping to discharge her.

On that day the physical therapist did an assessment on her movements. They concluded she was not as diverse in her movements as they would like her to be at that age but said that was common with babies who had been cooled. They scheduled an appointment to reassess on September 10 and said they’re confident she’ll be where she’s supposed to be by then.

Thursday morning we were all set to go home. All we had to do was wait for the doctor to do the final check and I had to complete the required carseat and safety class the hospital had. The class was supposed to be at 11 but they moved it up because there were a lot of babies coming in and they wanted to get the current patients discharged as soon as possible. The doctor came and assessed her and cleared her for discharge. The doctor asked for the pediatrician information so they could go ahead and send that over to her. She said, “when the pediatrician reads this she’ll say the same thing we are, ‘I can’t believe she was only in the NICU for 11 days!” Jakob didn’t think he’d be able to leave work by the time we were ready to go home so I had my mom and Alexis, Emily had flown back to New York the day before to doula for another client, to pick us up. Jakob did end up getting off and also came to the hospital. We walked out of the hospital around noon on June 17. Stella was 11 days old. On the way home from the hospital we stopped at the birthing center so Valerie could finally hold Stella. Valerie was the first person to hold Stella after Jakob and I, as it should have been.

During Stella’s time in the NICU Jakob and I said numerous prayers over her, made the sign of the cross on her with Holy Water multiple times a day, and I prayed multiple rosaries over her. She had every person our families knew in Ohio praying for her, not only in Mansfield our home town but people in Cleveland and Akron as well. She had prayers coming from North Carolina and California. She had two masses devoted to her at our home parish in Mansfield and one service dedicated to her all the way in Africa with an entire village there praying for her. Stella Rose very well might be the most prayed for baby, if not person, in history.

So the million dollar question is with her head wedged so far tight in my pelvis and my pelvic anomaly would I even have been able to push her out. I labored for 23 hours (slept for between 6 and 7 hours of that but of course my body was still working really hard even as I slept) from about 3 am 6/5 to 222 when she was born on 6/6. The midwives and my doula said even if I was able to push her out it would have been a long and arduous process for her and I and at that point I was very exhausted so the c/s seemed to have been the best move even regardless of the cord. With me being a first time mom and fully dilated they have no idea how the cord prolapse happened. The midwives, my doula (Emily), and the hospital have never seen it before. I think it was God's intervention because he knew this was how things needed to happen. They’re recommending future c/s because they’re so unsure of what happened this time around and the cause of the cord prolapse and my genetic anomaly. Jakob and I are hoping to do a VBAC with the next baby but we’ll be doing a lot of praying, researching, and talking with the midwives before we decide. We will definitely be doing our prenatal appointments at the Fort Worth Birthing Center, with Valerie when possible, and Valerie will be our midwife for the birth.

Labor was absolutely beautiful and everything I could have hoped for and I have no reservations or regrets about choosing to naturally labor. Emily got beautiful pictures of it. Emily and Valerie said we were a beautiful couple to labor with and one of the smoothest labors they’ve seen and we were so in sync. They couldn’t believe how well Jakob did as a coach and how well I handled labor. They said Jakob could honestly be a doula he did so well and we were the perfect example of a true Bradley birth labor (husband coached labor), something they’ve rarely seen because usually even after the classes the husband freaks out isn’t able to do as well as Jakob. Jakob and I are so thankful we were able to share this experience and it brought us so much closer and we both have such a deeper appreciation of each other. Jakob even said he wants to teach the Bradley method! Obviously Emily as the doula was a very important part of labor and I’m so grateful we had her as a doula to guide us and offer advice as needed, to be an extra set of hands when Jakob needed 4, and to be the go between for Jakob and I and the midwife/mom and Alexis so Jakob and I could be completely focused. I’m also so thankful she was there to capture the beautiful images she did.

My mom and Lex were such an instrumental part in the labor as well they gave me space when I needed it so Jakob and I could focus, let us focus though contractions by silently being near us to support us. Everyone was exactly what I needed them to be and a very instrumental part of how smooth my labor was.

Emily emphasized what a huge part Jakob and I played in getting Stella out ASAP. I initially panicked but Jakob was able to calm me down in like 5 seconds and after that we listened and did exactly what the midwife said to get to the hospital and get her delivered as soon as possible. No one can believe I ran down the stairs and to the car fully dilated with her descended so far into my pelvis, her head was in the birth canal at this point! I could not have done this without Jakob. Obviously the prolapsed cord was bad but the labor up until that point was perfect and after we found the cord everything that possibly could have gone right did. I know without a doubt God orchestrated all of this there were no coincidences or accidents. This is exactly how he wanted it to happen and how He planned it all along. I believe he just wanted a few more seconds with Stella before sending her into the world, and I can’t say I blame Him, she’s so special.

222 (when she was born) is an angel number. Here is what I found when I researched it:

“Number 222 is made up of the attributes of and energies of number 2 appearing tripled, making number 222 a very powerful vibration. Number 222 carries the attributes of the numbers 2 and 22, the Master Builder Number that resonates with ancient wisdom, vision, idealism and transformation. Number 2 lends its influences of faith and trust, encouragement, attainment and success, adaptability, diplomacy and co-operation, duality, service and duty, balance and harmony, selflessness, faith and trust and your Divine life purpose and soul mission. Number 222 has to do with balance, manifesting miracles and new auspicious and timely opportunities.

Angel Number 222 encourages you to take a balanced, harmonious and peaceful stance in all areas of your life. The message is to keep the faith and stand strong in your personal truths.

Angel Number 222 tells you that everything will turn out for the best in the long-term. Do not put your energies into negativity – be aware that all is being worked out by spirit for the highest good of all involved.

Angel Number 222 is also reminding you to keep up the good work you are doing, as the evidence of your manifestations are coming to fruition.

Angel Number 222 is a message of faith and trust from your angels. Remember that nothing happens by chance and everything happens for a reason. Maintain a positive attitude and you will find that everything will have positive results and you will receive abundant blessings in Divine right timing.

Number 222 relates to number 6 (2+2+2=6) and Angel Number 6.”

About angel number 6:

“Number 6 is related to the vibrations and energies of unconditional love, balance and harmony, home and family, domesticity, parenthood, guardianship, service to others, selflessness, responsibility, nurturing, care, empathy and sympathy, self-sacrifice, humanitarianism, the ability to compromise, emotional depth, honesty and integrity, adjustment, stability, poise, protection, firmness, healing, idealism, just and justice, conscientiousness, burden-fearing, solution-finding, problem-solving, seeing clearly, teaching, convention, curiosity, peace and peacefulness, circulation, grace and dignity, simplicity, reliability, material needs and economy, providing and provision, agriculture and growth, musical talent. Number 6 relates to problem-solving and signifies the need for stability in all aspects of your life.

Angel Number 6 brings a message from the angels to keep a balance between your material goals and aspirations, and your spiritual, inner-self. Respect yourself and others by taking responsibility for your own life and be honest and fair in all of your dealings. Be grateful for what you have already, as an attitude of gratitude encourages further positive abundance into your life.

When the Angel Number 6 appears it tells of the ability to use the intellect to bring about positive outcomes in your life. Be open to angelic signs and signals, maintain a positive attitude, and trust that opportunities will present themselves that will allow you to meet your material and financial needs. Trust that all will be provided for as you take care of and serve yourself and others, and as you pursue your Divine life purpose and soul mission.

Angel Number 6 encourages you to be loving, caring and nurturing of yourself and others.”

I know this was His plan and so whatever, if anything, she struggles with as a result of this I know that’s what he wants for her and there’s a reason for it. I never thought I could love or trust God more but he provided more than I could have ever asked and my faith has been taken to an unspeakable level. I am speechless in awe of what He did for us.

Stella is now 5 weeks old and everyone who’s held her is amazed by her. She holds her head up and has an incredibly strong neck and already is moving her legs in an army crawl motion against me when I hold her. She holds her hands together sometimes and sucks on her fingers. She loves faces, she’ll make eye contact with and study the face of anyone who holds her. I have no concerns about her future. Stella is enrolled automatically in early childhood intervention due to her rough start to life but we have not begun that yet. I was worried that I would have anxiety once she finally got home, always worrying something was wrong, but God has more than showed me that He has a special plan for that little girl and has given me the grace not to worry and I haven’t experienced any postpartum anxiety or depression, although I am in postpartum counseling to process what happened.

The whole story is remarkable. It’s a true testament to how present God is in our lives and what He can do. It is a beautiful example of how resilient and strong such a tiny baby can be.

And that is why Stella Rose, our beautiful [rock] star with thorns is such a miracle. And why "You're An Overcomer" is her song.

Feel free to contact me for clarification of anything or with questions/comments. I would love to hear how the story impacted you! My email is sophoolery@gmail.com If you live in New York City, I highly recommend Emily Hursh as a doula and you can find her information at flyingdoula.com If you live in the DFW area I highly recommend the Fort Worth Birthing and Wellness Center.