The First 6 Weeks

In high school I always struggled with what I wanted to go to college for. I never felt a true "calling" or a "passion." When I was little I wanted to be a singer, but doesn't every kid want to be a singer? In Junior High I watched Criminal Minds and decided I wanted to be in the FBI. In early High School I started Grey's Anatomy and decided I wanted to be a surgeon. At one point I wanted to be a lawyer, and there was brief talk of a wildlife photographer. Then right before college started it dawned on me. The reason I could never decide on a career was because I didn't really want a career, I wanted babies. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. That was the one constant through all the wishy-washiness. I didn't want to have kids right away though so I decided to go to college for nursing. Shortly into my first semester I realized that wasn't right either and decided to switch my major to Envrionmental Science and do wildlife rehabilitation. The plan was to graduate college, do wildlife rehabilitation for 5 years, then have kids and continue wildlife rehab when they were older. Well, you make your plans and you hear God laughing. I was pregnant within 4 months of graduating college, before I even got a chance to begin the certification process in Texas. Initially I was NOT excited about being pregnant. I knew I wanted kids but not yet! I still had a whole youth to live! But, as time went on, I got more and more excited. Fast forward 9 months and finally she's here.

I have never felt more fulfilled. Mothering feels so natural to me. I have no anxieties, no worries that I'm doing things wrong... although I did read almost the entire Sears Parenting Library so I'm sure that contributes to that. I read more about being a mother than I did for my college degree. I love spending my days with Stella. Sure, sometimes I get a little burnt out when she's fussy and Jakob has to take over for a bit, but even during those times a small part of me misses her.

Before she was born I had already decided I wanted to hold her, or wear her in a wrap/sling/carrier, 90% of the time. Well, Stella took me up on that offer because she cries 9/10 that you put her down. Sometimes it gets to me like when I'm trying to fold the laundry or put away the dishwasher but I just remind myself that babies grow best on mama's chest. There are many studies to show that the more a child is touched and held the better their brain development. I remind myself she won't be little forever, and I need to treasure this time I have with her.

We were blessed with a pretty easy baby, and I can assure you she gets that from Jakob, not me. I'm high strung, but she is chill. Must have been all the weed I smoked before I realized I was pregnant... she does always have a few fussy hours between 5 and 8. Jakob makes jokes it's because of him because that's right when he gets home from work. I hope he doesn't really believe that... I don't think its colic (or PURPLE crying) because it doesn't follow those rules. It's not constant. It's more just like she's tired after a big day and as soon as we fix one thing that's upsetting her another comes. She'll fuss because she's hungry, then she'll nurse and fall asleep. She'll wake up and fuss because she needs a diaper change, but then by the time the diaper change is done she's decided she wants to eat more. Then she'll poop again while she's nursing and we're back to the beginning. It's gotten better as I've gotten better about figuring out what she needs, but it's still a work in progress.

She's a great sleeper at night. She sleeps in a pac-and-play bassinet beside our bed. During the day she'll stay awake for a little bit after nursing or take a break from nursing to hang with me then nurse again to go to sleep, but at night we've got a great system. She barely wakes up, just moves around and wines a little which is enough to wake me up. Once I'm awake I'll nurse her and she'll fall right back asleep. At first I was changing her diaper everytime before I fed her but I realized that only led to fully waking her up and then her being upset and having a harder time going back to sleep. Unless she fully wakes up on her own, I won't change her diaper. She usually doesn't poop throughout the night, she usually gets all those out during the day. I put two inserts in (we use cloth diapers) at night to soak up all the urine through the night. I usually change her between 10 and 12 then in the morning when Jakob gets up for work between 6 and 7.

Last night, she did have some trouble staying asleep. She'd fall asleep nursing but then when I laid her down in the bassinet she'd wake back up. I'd take her out, she'd begin nursing, but immediately fall back asleep. I'd put her back, and she'd wake up and begin crying again. After about 3 times of this I finally gave up and just laid her down with me and let her sleep there the rest of the night. Obviously co-sleeping is a controversial topic but fun fact, almost every other country in the world co-sleeps with no issues! If you exclusivly breastfeed and follow the "safe sleep seven," it reduces the risk of SIDS and increases cognitive function. Theres even a song!

(to the tune of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”)

No smoke, sober mom

Baby at your breast

Healthy baby on his back

Keep him lightly dressed.

Not too soft a bed

Watch the cords and gaps

Keep the covers off his head

For your nights and naps.

Some people will say, "well if you let them sleep in your bed now they won't ever want to sleep alone." How many teenagers do you know still sleeping in their parents beds? I hope none, if you do know one you might want to reccomend counseling because there's a whole lot more going on there than co-sleeping as an infant. My husband gets nervous about it, he doesn't trust himself not to roll over on her, so our routine is that she goes to bed in her bassinet then when he gets up in the morning I put her back in my bed and we sleep until between noon and two, depending on how late I went to bed.

We sleep so much better during those 5-7 hours than we do at night. Neither of us have to fully wake up to nurse, she moves and I instinctivly help her latch. I couldn't tell you how many times she nurses during those hours, because I don't wake up enough to remember. I've also found she sleeps longer when she's in bed with me. If she's in the bassinet she won't go more than 2 maybe 3 hours between waking, but when she's next to me it'll be more like 3 to 4 hours before she wakes up.

I know it won't always be this easy, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts. I'm already dreading the fact that with the next newborn I'll have to get up with the toddler and won't be able to have these long mornings. I was really worried about getting enough sleep once she was here because I need 9 hours to funtion, but I am routinely getting between 9 and 10 hours of sleep. However, because it isnt uninterupted sleep I usually need 10-11 to make up for that.

Overall, I couldn't be happier. I love being a mom and having a baby. I want to have two, and then 5 or so years later have 2 more. I joke with Jakob that the problem with us starting so early is the fourth child is going to reach 5 and I'm going to want to have 2 more because I love the newborn stage so much. Well, he thinks it's a joke. We'll let him keep thinking that, for now.