My Dirty Little Secret: Co-Sleeping

When we first brought Stella home, I was fully planning on co-sleeping. Jakob was extremely uneasy about the idea after everything we heard in the hospital class, but I had already done my research and made up my mind. I made a deal with him that I would try taking a nap while he stayed awake so he could see how it went. It didn't go well. Twice I moved my arm and put it over her face. Both times I was partially awake and completely forgot she was there. This was 11 days after birth, but her first night home from the hospital. From everything I'd read, my body shouldn't have done this. I should have instinctively known she was there. I was confused and disappointed in myself. I felt like something was wrong with me. I gave into having her sleep in the portable bassinet beside us. Sometime over the first two weeks she ended up slowly migrating into the bed. At first, I would breastfeed lying down then fall asleep and she'd end up sleeping beside me until I woke back up and moved her. That turned into every morning, when Jakob left for work, taking her out to nurse and letting her sleep next to me until I got up. After a couple weeks I started letting her sleep beside me from her first nighttime feed on. As this progression happened, Jakob and I's sleep got better and better. I never had any more incidents because I always could feel her presence, even in my sleep. I know that sounds weird, but I always know she's there. Since it was such a slow progression and there were never any issues Jakob became comfortable with the idea. Now, unless I've smoked or drank even if I feel sober before bed, I just put her in bed next to me from the beginning of the night. I pull her pac n play right up against the bed this creates a barrier so that she can't fall off, even when she does start rolling.

So, why was it I had issues the first night and had no awareness of her but now I have a complete instinctual awareness of her even in my sleep? I think because of those 11 days in the NICU. I think my body forgot that I had a baby while she was at the hospital. Once she was home for a while, my body remembered and instinct kicked in. A great example is one morning when Jakob got up for work Stella was sleeping next to me. He called my name three times, but I didn’t wake up. He came over and started to move the blanket and when he did, I thought that Stella was moving and potentially falling off the bed. I sat up and moved my arm out over her and over the edge of the bed as if I was catching her. I didn't even realize what was happening until after I did it. After that happened Jakob was 100% comfortable with cosleeping.

There's a lot of controversy around co-sleeping, and there really shouldn't be. Most countries do it, we're the weird ones. It decreases risk of SIDS and increases cognitive development. It also grants parents and infants more sleep! So why wouldn't you do it? Fear. But what it I told you didn't HAVE to fear! Let me enlighten you on the safe sleep 7.

1. Stay smoke free. You should not bed share if you smoke cigarettes as this increase the risk of SIDS. Even if you don't smoke in bed, the smell and chemicals linger on your skin, hair, and clothes.

2. Stay sober. Never bedshare if you've drank, done any drugs, or used any kind of sleep-aid. Even if I feel sober, I still don't risk it if I've been drinking.

3. Stay off sofas, upholstered chairs, and recliners for sleep. Sleep on a firm, flat surface.

4. Keep your baby lightly dressed as the bed will be warm from your body heat. One website I read recommended not putting the baby between mom and dad because it's even hotter there and there's more of a risk of overheating. She sleeps in a sleep sack or footed pajamas and one of those blanket sacks that is equivalent to one blanket. She sleeps on the opposite side of me from Jakob, so I'm in the middle. I never cover her up with my covers when I'll be sleeping. (I'm awake in the photo below)

5. Place baby on their back with their head at your breast

6. Your baby must be healthy and full term

7. You must be exclusively breastfeeding

At night both her and I do not fully wake up when she nurses. I routinely get plenty of sound sleep, and honestly, it's just comforting having her there. Our babies, and us, are used to being close together for 9 months, it's unnatural for them to sleep alone.

There are numerous other benefits to co-sleeping. The carbon dioxide the mother breaths out triggers the baby’s breathing. Dr. Sears, when he would watch his baby and wife sleep, observed that his wife would take a deep breath, then the baby would take a deep breath. Co-sleeping lowers stress hormones and increases growth hormones in the child. Babies who sleep near their mothers have more regular body temperatures, heartbeats, and take fewer long pauses between breathing. Co-sleeping lowers the risk of SIDS. The theory is that SIDS is related to baby’s sleeping too deeply, and babies don't sleep as deeply when they're next to their mothers. Co-sleeping also promotes longer stable emotional health. Dr. Sears has a list of 9 benefits to co-sleeping in The Baby Sleep Book.

1. Baby sleeps better

2. Mom sleeps better

3. Babies grow better

4. Mother's "grow" better (more in touch with baby, higher prolactin levels which help breastmilk supply and makes mothering easier)

5. Fathers "grow" better (fathers are getting more closeness with baby because they don't only get the limited waking hours they're home from work)

6. Night feedings are easier

7. Co-sleeping is contemporary (it allows working mothers more time with their babies and affords them deeper relationships)

8. Co-sleeping babies tend to be better behaved

9. Co-sleeping is safer

Now I know what you're thinking. "If co-sleeping is safer why do the doctors, hospitals, and books all say it's dangerous?" It's based on a faulty study. In the study they looked at death certificates and determined how many babies died in adult beds. The fact of the matter is, most of these deaths were preventable with safety precautions such as making sure there isn't a gap between your wall and bed your baby could fall into, not sleeping on water beds, and making sure your baby isn't near railings they could get their head stuck in.

Babies have been sleeping with their parents for years, it's only relatively recently that cribs became a thing and for a long time, and arguably still, they were only for well off families who could afford a nursery and/or crib.

I can't possibly cover everything you should know about co-sleeping nor answer every question you have. I highly recommend doing your own research and/or reading The Baby Sleep Book. Also, some advice. The book says repeatedly you need a king sized bed, and you may shrug it off and think, "a baby is small it can wait." No seriously, you need a king sized bed. We're trying to get one ASAP.

Information from La Leche League website and The Baby Sleep Book