Why I Quit Drinking (Around My Kids)

When I was younger I hated when adults drank around me. It made me feel uncomfortable and anxious. I don’t really know why, I never had any incidents that I can remember where anybody did anything inappropriate or unsafe around me while drinking. I don’t even remember anyone getting really drunk around me. I think I just didn’t understand how alcohol affected you so I just assumed that if someone was drinking at all, they automatically were incapable of functioning and keeping me safe. Because of that experience, and those feelings, I decided I would never drink around children when they were of age to be uncomfortable with it. Young enough not to be bothered by it, I felt like it was okay on rare occasions.

      When my nephew expressed being uncomfortable around adults drinking, around age ten probably, I immediately jumped to that everyone should stop drinking around him. (Just to clarify, we were having a margarita with dinner at a Mexican restaurant or Jakob was having a beer at a bar and grill, not having drunken parties with him around.) My husband made a really good point though, that it is important for Parker to see how you can responsibly drink so he doesn’t get to college and have no clue how to have a good relationship with alcohol. I think that’s valid for older kids who can understand the difference between 1 or 2 drinks and 4 or 5 drinks. My toddlers aren’t making that distinction, to them you’re either drinking beer/wine/adult drinks or you’re not. It’s either something to emulate because your parents are doing it, or something that’s not cool because your parents aren’t.

      Generally, I was waiting until after the kids are in bed to drink and only drink in front of them on special occasions like holidays. Ironically, when I was pregnant with Elliot I remember saying that we would not be having alcohol at Stella’s first birthday because why do we need to drink at a one year olds party. After Elliot was born, I conveniently forgot that reasoning and we served alcohol at Stella’s second and third and Elliot’s first.

       Recently, I watched a Facebook video talking out how inappropriate it was to have alcohol at a kids birthday. My initial reaction was defensive, but then the more I thought about it the more I knew I was not setting a good example for my kids. Especially with Stella being 3 more, and being so much more observant about things. She’s already made a comment or two about “daddy drinks beer” and one time asked “is that grandpas wine?” Both these instances made me extremely uncomfortable and disappointed in the example we’ve clearly openly set for her.  I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with drinking, but I don’t want them to think you have to drink to have a good time. Or that you can’t celebrate without drinking.  I also don’t want my kids to see me intoxicated until they’re old enough to drink with me/no longer under my care. Because of this I decided that Elliot’s birthday party this month, we will not be serving alcohol like we have in the past. I also decided that at holidays I won’t drink in front of them. I don’t want alcohol talked about around them. I can’t control if someone decides to have wine at a holiday when we’re there, but I don’t want Jakob and I at least to be participating or discussing it. We’ve gotten really good at spelling b-e-e-r and w-i-n-e.

       To clarify what I mean, I have to explain my relationship with alcohol. It might sound bad at first, but hear me out. If I’m drinking, my goal is to feel something. Not to get black out drunk or anything like that, but to get a little tipsy for sure. Jakob, on the other hand, will have a beer or two just because he likes the taste of beer and never  feel anything. Since he’s not ever feeling it/acting any different I don’t care if he has a beer at a family get together. I do ask that he put it in a different cup because I don’t want the kids to associate holidays with beer/alcohol. I feel like I’ve associated alcohol with celebrations/holidays and now I’m breaking that association for myself, so this decision isn’t only benefitting my children but myself as well.

      Once the kids are older, I won’t be strict about not talking about alcohol in front of them like I am now. I just would rather wait until they’re old enough that I can explain to them that alcohol is for people over 21, and there are right way and wrong ways to use it and what those different ways are.

       A friend of mine’s mom took the approach of being very easy going about the kids drinking a glass of wine or a beer at home, as long as they asked. They built up a tolerance then drinking was not a big deal to her when she got to high school/college age because she’d always been doing that. I’m interested in that approach because I think there is something to be said about the fact that when you’re denied something and it’s made taboo then you’re more likely to go wild with it once you have access. Then again, I don’t even let my kids have juice or pop do I really seem like the person who’s going to be offering beer and wine with dinner? I’ve got quite a few years to make a decision on that since I’m definitely not giving alcohol to my toddlers.

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